When a person is in self-hatred, aka self-loathing, they’re always the hardest on the people who love and care for them most. Because subconsciously they’re thinking “I’m such a bad/unworthy/unhealthy/’screw-up’ of a person, how could you love ME? YOU must be screwed-up!” And they behave and speak to you accordingly. I know it’s hard, but try not to take it personally. Your loved-one, for whatever reason (perhaps for a variety of reasons), is hurting. Patience, understanding, and maybe even some distance are what’s required, not more lashing-out.


Kat · June 10, 2013 at 5:09 pm

This is a very powerful and true statement. It’s excruciating to watch someone you care for in pain especially when you are powerless to do anything to help. It’s even more debilitating and gut wrenching to realize that you’re so wrapped up in others pain – you forget about your own.

I guess my point is that we all experience pain of some sort – some on a higher level than others, but pain nonetheless.

David Kesner · June 10, 2013 at 5:28 pm

This is so true…..and has applied to my life in so many ways. Thanks

Renee Taulbee · June 10, 2013 at 10:40 pm

This distance part saddens me; however, it is proving to be the best thing right now. I can’t bear to watch them beat themselves down and no matter what I try to say or do, it is wrong so I rather than making things worse, I am just backing away quietly!

Mike Huiwitz · February 16, 2014 at 3:07 pm

That’s why entertaining negative thoughts won’t do you any good.

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