In our previous visit to the G-Spot, we established why the struggle for Power and Control (or as Joe Klein calls it “PNC”) is present in almost every relationship dynamic. In a nutshell, it is because we humans have little to no actual power and control in life. Yet, we humans always want what we can’t have. Don’t we? So, we seek it out (mostly subconsciously) primarily through our relationships. Seek what out? To have power over others, to be empowered by others, to control others and to be controlled by others. It doesn’t make a difference if it’s our significant other, our co-workers, friends, family, government or Bill and Melinda Gates. We want to have power and control and, goddamn it, we’re going to try to find the illusion of it wherever and however we can!
This is very natural. However, if one desires to live a progressively freer existence, it is NOT effective to seek power and control through others.
Don’t “PNC Park”. Keep Moving! But how?
#1. Be aware of the dynamic. Awareness is the start to all progress and transformation. Knowledge truly is power. But it’s not power over others we desire. What humans who are whole in their souls desire is power over their own mindset and motivation.
#2. Find your sense of stability from within. ALWAYS remember: you are a human BEING not a human DOING! Meditate this truth contained in the affirmations here or any beautiful thoughts which release yourself and those in your life from the power and control dynamic. Say them out loud a lot. Start your day with them and go to them as often as you’re feeling out of sorts (or out of control, feeling like you need control).
#3. Listen to the words that come out of your mouth and the words coming at you from others. Are those words attempting to control, manipulate, producing guilt, condemnation and judgement? If they are, fuck that shit. As you stay in the meditative process, you will become more and more sensitive to this style of intercourse. Power and control-based dialogue is corrosive and will eat away at your soul. Especially when being engaged in by “control freaks” as opposed to those seeking to be a blessing and to release people into their individual freedom and joy.
#4. Pull away from toxic relational dynamics. This is a tough one. As you continue down the mindfulness practice path and, make strides to break free from others’ control (and to be controlling over others), you may notice certain relationships—even long standing and loving ones—keep leading you into old patterns of communication. You may need to pull away from these folks for everyone’s well-being. I’m not saying eliminate them from your life, but you may need to significantly limit your exposure to them.
#5. Shut the fuck up. As you grow in your understanding of the prominence of the PNC dynamic, you’re going to recognize its presence a lot more. The best way to handle these moments is to say nothing, to shut the fuck up. In this way, you give your interlocker the opportunity to hear themselves, how ridiculous or hateful or even bizarre they sound. They may be less likely to say what they just did the next time. And when you don’t say something that is power-grabbing, mean and guilt-mongering in response, you often will hear the other person something like, “you have nothing to say to that”? You response? “No. No I don’t”. No fuss. No muss. Nothing to apologize for or get over. Shutting the fuck up is a hard lesson and discipline to learn and activate. However, I cannot overstate its importance and effectiveness along the road of freedom from power and control.
Ultimately, our goal is to experience a more freeing, giving, less fearful, joyful, life and pleasure producing existence.
Let’s continue walking this out together.