There are many equations in math.
However, in relationships there are only two.
#1 – A + B = C
#2 – A + A = A
#1 is how the vast majority of people calculate their relationships.
When I do “A” for you, I expect you to do “B” for me, which equals our relationship, “C”.
This is an equation for ultimate relationship disappointment and sometimes complete failure. Because we see life from our own set of lenses, putting our viewpoint (what motivates, inspires, pleases and upsets us) on to the others in our life is ineffective.
#2 is much more effective and will lead to more satisfaction and significantly less frustration.
I do “A” for me, because it is “A” desire of mine to be a blessing in life, which equals personal satisfaction, more emotional peace and mental tranquility, “A”.
You may think, “Boy that sounds selfish”. Not at all.
When one gives to get, that is lower relationship motivation.
When one gives because it is in their heart to do so, without expectation for return—that is the highest relationship motivation.
Now, we are not talking about business transactions. In business, you will do “A” (work), expecting “B” (compensation) to get to “C” (being able to pay for stuff).
What we are talking about is how you conduct your personal relationships.
Sometimes, personal relationships do involve people you are in business with.
However, ask yourself this. Do you want to relate to the people in your life (your spouse, your family, your friends, your colleagues) like it is a business or are you engaged with them to be a blessing?
So, just how do you transition from #1 to #2?
First, recognize your desire to switch from the lower to the higher calculation.
Secondly, when considering an act or an attitude about another person, ask yourself this question, “Am I doing or thinking this to be a blessing to them (and therefore myself) or am I doing it expecting something in return?”
If you are doing it because it is in our heart do it, than do it.
If you are doing it because you want the other person or people to respond in a certain way to you, you may want to seriously reconsider that calculation.
Release some endorphins and some positive memories.Enjoy the first-ever public performance of the Jackson 5’s big hit “ABC”